I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
