There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
