Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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