is your mom at the bar?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize