I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
