Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
