is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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