Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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