and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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