I am spending my child support on dildos
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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