Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
