she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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