Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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