I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
