Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
