if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
