dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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