Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
