i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
