Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
