oh god the rape fog is back!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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