my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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