so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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