Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
