I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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