He asked to "fluff my boner.."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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