this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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