So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize