Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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