kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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