I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
