nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
