When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i now understand why vodka
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
