white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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