Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize