YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
