I want to stick my p in your. b.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
