New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
