I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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