nut hugger
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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