We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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