hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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