From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
