oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
