I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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