Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
