My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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