so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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