i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
