I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
