I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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