I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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