oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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