i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Houston, we have a squirter
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
