i don't plan on having that self control this summer
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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