you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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