I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
