it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
