U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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