I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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