Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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