I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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