wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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