Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
worst night to have a conscience
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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