Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will pee on everything he values.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
