Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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