I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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