Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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