Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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