You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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