just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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