Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize