p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
