you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
