Cold hands, warm shart.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
whose parrot is this?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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