Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
