is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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