So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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