he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
