Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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